Molly
Class - 10B
Into: Horror films and The Simpsons
Molly isn’t really a troublemaker, but she always seems to be in trouble.
She just enjoys a good laugh and maybe it gets out of hand on the odd occasion, or twelve.
She has a gleefully unhealthy love of splatter movies.
Jaz
Class - 10B
Into: Spy stories and urban music
Jaz might not be the sharpest student at Ardnox, but he tries his best.
One day he hopes to join the secret service as one of their top agents. Moses hasn’t got the heart to tell him that they’re unlikely to sign you up for MI6 if you can’t even spell the name of their organisation…
Moses
Class - 10B
Into: Detective novels and Japanese manga comics
Moses is taller than most of the teachers at Ardnox (and smarter than them too!)
He’s good at Art, English and Science.
One day he might just be a famous scientist…
Or a manga artist (he hasn’t quite decided yet!)
Shaz
Class - 10B
Into: Romantic novels and musicals
Shazia is a straight-A student when it comes to course-work, but she’s a bag of nerves in her exams.
Her mother wants her to be a doctor or a lawyer, but ...
Shaz hasn’t told her she’s thinking of going into web design.
Talia
Class - 10B
Into: Celebrity gossip magazines, trashy novels and modern pop
The lights are on, but there are no brains cells home in Talia’s head.
She has a burning ambition to be famous, despite not having quite found a talent for anything yet.
Rod
Class - 12F
Into: Action movies and modern rock
Rod could skive for Britain.
In fact he’s hoping they introduce that at the 2012 Olympic Games.
He might then manage to achieve something for once in his life.
Jam
Class - 12F
Into: Computer games and rap
Jam last took his sunglasses off in 2004.
He showers in his sunglasses, he sleeps in his sunglasses.
Talia says she once saw him smile, but we think she was just talking big.
Kesh
Class - 12F
Into: Big Brother, X-Factor and boy bands
Kesh’s mobile phone contract allows her one thousand text-messages a month.
She uses them all.
She has the strongest thumbs in school.
So…
If you need any bottles or jars opened… she your girl!
Sean
Class - 10B
Into: Punk music, superhero comics and Sci-Fi
Sean might just be the coolest geek ever.
He manages to know everything there is to know about ‘Stargate’ and still retain his street cred.
Well, playing lead guitar in a local band helps.
The New Bugs
Class - 7B
Is it a swarm of locusts? No it’s the Year Seven kids! They’ve just arrived at Ardnox High and they’re into everything with more energy than ten cans of Buzzola. Just don’t be standing in their way when the bell goes.
The Head
Into: Money and power
He’s the rarely seen, all-powerful headteacher of Ardnox High.
Rumours of him dropping a whiteboard on a teacher who was bringing the school down in the league tables are completely unfounded… and that fresh piece of tarmac appearing in the playground just after the teacher in question went missing is just a coincidence.
Mr Snoad
Into: Black and white films and sixties music
Mr. Snoad loves teaching Media Studies.
He can name every number one up to 1980. He can recite all the dialogue from ‘Citizen Kane’ and he once saw Jimi Hendrix (and he tells you about it twice a week).
Despite all that, the kids think he’s okay… for a teacher.
Ms Chen
Into: 19th Century novels, poetry, chess and classical music
It’s hard work, but still fun in Ms. Chen’s English class.
She may go through one red pen every day on marking, but even Jaz’s spelling has improved under her supervision (only about twenty mistakes per-page now.)
Everyone thinks she’s pretty cool… Especially Moses.
Fishy Billingsgate
Into: Line dancing and knitting
Mrs. Billingsgate is the Deputy Headteacher of Ardnox High School.
She rules the teachers and the pupils with an iron rod.
No one’s ever seen MISTER Billingsgate, but she assures us that he does exist… really!
She fears nothing… except The Head.
Mrs. Laurel and Mrs. Hardy
Into: Nut faggots and Lord of the Rings
They once worked together for a delivery firm, but after a disastrous incident with a flight of steps and a pianola , they ran away to the French Foreign Legion.
But it turns out they don’t take girls, so they decided to serve lunch at Ardnox High instead.
The Foreign Legion is safer.
